Monday, June 25, 2012

Those forbidden, naughty words….


By Ally Robertson

No, this isn’t a blog post about erotica. I know absolutely nothing about writing erotic. I’m a suspense editor, but these words should be forbidden in any genre—or at least used sparingly. This is about those ‘bad’words that show up in so many manuscripts I receive. Words that slow your pacing, make your writing less active, less immediate, and distance the reader.
I’ve listed some to avoid—but trust me, there are many, many more:
Wondered
Felt
Heard
Saw
Suddenly
Decided
Knew
Thought
Began to, Started to (Don't say your character 'Began to walk down the street' Just say, 'She walked down the street' Don't say your character 'Started to laugh.' Just say 'She laughed.')

Not to say these words can never be used, but the less you use them, the more active, the more ‘showing’ your story will be.

Some examples:

Before:

Julia was about to chime in when she heard the door to the bar open. She turned and saw Jasper Ramsey’s widow and son walk in.
Feeling her stomach clench and tears close her throat, she thought back to what had happened ten years earlier. The six of them drinking too much. The joy ride along the narrow, dark lake roads. Jasper Ramsey’s body flying in the air before landing in the murky water.

After:

Julia was about to chime in when the door to the bar opened, and Jasper Ramsey’s widow and son walked in.
Her stomach clenched and tears closed her throat. The memories that were never far away came flooding back…the six of them drinking too much. The joy ride along the narrow, dark lake roads. Jasper Ramsey’s body flying in the air before landing in the murky water.

Which one sounded more immediate? Made you closer to the emotion? To what the character is experiencing? There’s no need to tell readers what she heard, saw, felt and thought. Just state it, actively and directly.

Before:

She knew the cemetery had been their second favorite hangout, next to the lake, and now, two of them were resting here…forever.
Suddenly, a voice spoke behind her. “Are you okay?”
She whirled and saw Jake standing a few feet away, studying her with that intense expression of his, as if he could ferret out her every secret, pull every thought and emotion from her soul.
She peered up at him. Rain dripped from the brim of his hat as he squinted at her, his mouth
turned down in sympathy. She wondered what it would be like to fall into him, to feel his arms close around her, to rest in his comforting embrace. She decided that wouldn’t be wise.

After:

The cemetery had been their second favorite hangout, next to the lake, and now, two of them were resting here…forever.
“Are you okay?”
She whirled at the low rumble of Jake’s voice behind her.
He stood a few feet away, studying her with that intense expression of his, as if he could ferret out her every secret, pull every thought and emotion from her soul.
She peered up at him. Rain dripped from the brim of his hat as he squinted at her, his mouth turned down in sympathy. She wanted to fall into him, to feel his arms close around her, to rest in his comforting embrace. She sucked in a breath, willing the power to resist.

Don’t tell readers what she ‘knew’ or give them a head’s up that something is about to occur by using the word ‘suddenly.’ Just let the action play out so that the reader experiences it along with the character.

One more….

Before:
He moved up a couple of steps. She felt her breath stall in her throat as his scent filled her nostrils. Suddenly, a slow, warm thrill uncoiled in the center of her belly.
She knew the look in his eye was far from romantic. She saw anger that turned the gray to steel. She could see pain there, too.

After:
He moved up a couple of steps. Her breath stalled in her throat, his scent filling her nostrils. A slow, warm thrill uncoiled in the center of her belly.
But the look in his eye was far from romantic. Anger had turned the gray to steel, but there was pain there, too.

Check your manuscript for these types of words and get rid of as many of them as you can. You’ll find your writing to be more showing, more vivid, and readers will become engaged and connect more closely with the action and with your characters.
Have a wonderful week…Happy Writing!

Ally Robertson
Editor
Crimson Rose - Suspense and Intrigue

The Wild Rose Press, Inc.

TheWildRosePress.com  

Monday, June 11, 2012

Flag Day, Not Romantic?


Old Glory.  Star Spangled Banner.  Stars and Stripes.  These names are frequently used to identify the United States flag.  This coming Thursday is Flag Day.  Inspired by three decades of state and local celebrations, Flag Day—the anniversary of the Flag Resolution of 1777—was officially established by the Proclamation of President Woodrow Wilson on May 30th, 1916.  It’s a little known holiday, just flies under the radar with very little pomp and circumstance.  Sometimes it gets a line on a calendar.  It never gets any mention by Hallmark.  No Flag Day sales at any of the big box stores or car sales lots.  But I’m here today to be the champion for that uncelebrated holiday.  We need to put it on the map, make it romantic.

But how can you make Flag Day romantic?  Well, you could always have the hero and heroine meet at a community picnic on Flag Day.  But that’s taking the easy way out. 

As an historical editor, this holiday is more about the soul that embodies the sacrifices and commitment of the American people.  This is the spirit that built a nation.  The passion that held it together.  And the love stories readers should never forget. 
I would love to see more American Rose submissions to personify this great time period:  The French and Indian War, Colonial America, the Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, the Civil War, the Reconstruction era, and the dawn of the new century. 

American Rose stories are for those who long for the courageous heroes and heroines who fought for their freedom and settled the new world—all for their country, their love, and their flag.
Flag Day not romantic?  My parents were married on June 14, 1944.  My dad would always tease my mom that he got married on that day so he could remember their anniversary.  My mother would always say, “Don’t you remember what day it is?”  My father would always reply, “Yes, it’s Flag Day.”    He would smile, and she would get a twinkle in her eye.    You betcha, Flag Day is romantic.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Interview at www.shewrites.com

I was invited to be interviewed by the gracious folks at www.shewrites.com.  Follow this link and take a look at the lovely comments:



http://www.shewrites.com/profiles/blog/list?user=24hcruetuxtsr

Rhonda

Monday, June 4, 2012

Conference Season

Its conference season! I know some are already behind us such as RT but there are still so many more to come like RWA Nationals.  Have you ever been to one of the larger conferences?  I definitely think its something that every writer should do at least once.  Yes they are very expensive and very chaotic but there's something about being in a grand ballroom full of thousands of romance writers that gives you a feeling of belonging you just can't get anywhere else.  
In 2004, I attended RWA in Dallas.  I'd recently become a long distance member of the SARAs (San Antonio Romance Authors) and I was eager and nervous to meet my "online only" friends face to face.  The connections I formed there and the friendships I made that conference not only have endured to this day but are completely 100% the reason why our company in the very beginning was so well supported.  My friends from SARA promoted the heck out of TWRP in the early days and wrote for us so we would have quality inventory.  To this day, if I need something I can shoot out an email to those ladies and they will help me. 
But friendships aren't the only reason to attend a conference.  It's a gift to yourself as a writer.  Its time away from home and family that allows you to focus solely on you and your craft.  Everyone needs that no matter what you write.  No matter how well published you are, there are always tidbits to pick up in workshops or items to learn from keynote speakers.  There's also the casual meets with editors and agents that can change your entire career.
Nothing says you have to do the big conferences; there are plenty of smaller chapter conferences across the country and around the world. But do yourself a favor and get to at least one this year.  You won't regret it.
Rhonda Penders, Editor-in-Chief