By
Ally Robertson
No, this isn’t a blog post about erotica. I
know absolutely nothing about writing erotic. I’m a suspense editor, but these
words should be forbidden in any genre—or at least used sparingly. This is about
those ‘bad’words that show up in so many manuscripts I receive. Words that slow
your pacing, make your writing less active, less immediate, and distance the
reader.
I’ve listed some to avoid—but trust me, there
are many, many more:
Wondered
Felt
Heard
Saw
Suddenly
Decided
Knew
Thought
Began to, Started to (Don't say your character 'Began to walk down the street' Just say, 'She walked down the street' Don't say your character 'Started to laugh.' Just say 'She laughed.')
Began to, Started to (Don't say your character 'Began to walk down the street' Just say, 'She walked down the street' Don't say your character 'Started to laugh.' Just say 'She laughed.')
Not to say these words can never be used, but the less you use them, the more active, the more ‘showing’ your story will be.
Some
examples:
Before:
Julia was
about to chime in when she heard the door to the bar open. She turned and saw
Jasper Ramsey’s widow and son walk in.
Feeling her
stomach clench and tears close her throat, she thought back to what had happened
ten years earlier. The six of them drinking too much. The joy ride along the
narrow, dark lake roads. Jasper Ramsey’s body flying in the air before landing
in the murky water.
After:
Julia was
about to chime in when the door to the bar opened, and Jasper Ramsey’s widow and
son walked in.
Her stomach
clenched and tears closed her throat. The memories that were never far away came
flooding back…the six of them drinking too much. The joy ride along the narrow,
dark lake roads. Jasper Ramsey’s body flying in the air before landing in the
murky water.
Which one sounded more immediate? Made you
closer to the emotion? To what the character is experiencing? There’s no need to
tell readers what she heard, saw, felt and thought. Just state it,
actively and directly.
Before:
She knew the
cemetery had been their second favorite hangout, next to the lake, and now, two
of them were resting here…forever.
Suddenly, a
voice spoke behind her. “Are you okay?”
She whirled
and saw Jake standing a few feet away, studying her with that intense expression
of his, as if he could ferret out her every secret, pull every thought and
emotion from her soul.
She peered up
at him. Rain dripped from the brim of his hat as he squinted at her, his
mouth
turned down in
sympathy. She wondered what it would be like to fall into him, to feel his arms
close around her, to rest in his comforting embrace. She decided that wouldn’t
be wise.
After:
The cemetery
had been their second favorite hangout, next to the lake, and now, two of them
were resting here…forever.
“Are you
okay?”
She whirled at
the low rumble of Jake’s voice behind her.
He stood a few
feet away, studying her with that intense expression of his, as if he could
ferret out her every secret, pull every thought and emotion from her
soul.
She peered up
at him. Rain dripped from the brim of his hat as he squinted at her, his mouth
turned down in sympathy. She wanted to fall into him, to feel his arms close
around her, to rest in his comforting embrace. She sucked in a breath, willing
the power to resist.
Don’t tell readers what she ‘knew’ or give them
a head’s up that something is about to occur by using the word ‘suddenly.’ Just
let the action play out so that the reader experiences it along with the
character.
One more….
Before:
He moved up a
couple of steps. She felt her breath stall in her throat as his scent filled her
nostrils. Suddenly, a slow, warm thrill uncoiled in the center of her
belly.
She knew the
look in his eye was far from romantic. She saw anger that turned the gray to
steel. She could see pain there, too.
After:
He moved up a
couple of steps. Her breath stalled in her throat, his scent filling her
nostrils. A slow, warm thrill uncoiled in the center of her
belly.
But the look
in his eye was far from romantic. Anger had turned the gray to steel, but there
was pain there, too.
Check your manuscript for these types of words
and get rid of as many of them as you can. You’ll find your writing to be more
showing, more vivid, and readers will become engaged and connect more closely
with the action and with your characters.
Have
a wonderful week…Happy Writing!
Ally Robertson
Editor
Crimson Rose - Suspense and Intrigue
The Wild Rose Press, Inc.
TheWildRosePress.com
Editor
Crimson Rose - Suspense and Intrigue
The Wild Rose Press, Inc.
TheWildRosePress.com
